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Please Check Your Baggage at the Door

Oh Love is grand, isn't it? Up until the shine begins to fade a little when the Oxytocin diminishes in the brain. "Oxytocin evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around the mate," as stated by (Marazziti D, Dell'Osso B, Baroni S, Mungai F, Catena M, Rucci P, Albanese F, Giannaccini G, Betti L, Fabbrini L, Italiani P, Del Debbio A, Lucacchini A, Dell'Osso L (2006). "A relationship between oxytocin and anxiety of romantic attachment". Clin Pract). Of course, there are other factors which gets in the way of that "happy happy joy joy" feeling of new love such as stress, illness, time and distance (between lovers).

But one of the biggest faux pas I have seen in new relationships is the "baggage" brought in by BOTH people. Urban dictionary defines baggage as "an issue regarding a person's past that can affect their current disposition: addictions, debt, diseases, bad habits, past relationships (significant other or family), or kids." I would like to add to that definition to include unresolved feelings of hurt, anger, remorse, regrets, rejection, and I could go on and on and on!

The thing is we all have baggage; some bring a carry-on bag and others with a container load of stuff. The point being, we need to recognize and be self-aware enough to see how unfair we are to our new partner and to ourselves when we allow past relationships and events to interfere with the possible happiness of the new. And this, my friends, takes courage and personal strength! Courage to recognize those traits, however unattractive, that prevent us from finding, accepting, and embracing the potential love which is being offered to us. Personal strength to own up to our weaknesses and our fears so we can begin the healing process inside ourselves. Truth is we cannot love someone else completely until we completely love ourselves. Easier said than done, I know, since none of us are perfect, however, we are our perfect selves. And getting better everyday with conscious choice making, and making "love" an action (love is a verb!!!), and not some lofty ideal that most people think they can only achieve because someone else makes them happy. That's another article for later, trust me.

So to be honest and fair to yourself and to your loved ones, please please please take a serious look at the pros and the cons you are bringing to your relationships. Celebrate your strengths and lovingly acknowledge your fears, your weaknesses, and your issues with an eye on changing the patterns of baggage which is keeping you from your joy.

Life is all about the journey.


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